Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Do You See What I See?

Sometimes I don't realize how odd my bipolar mind can be unless I am talking to my very rational, very linear, very stoic husband. I don't know how he does not see the world like I do. How come music does not bring him to tears, or make him feel deeply connected to something larger than himself. How come sad stories in the news don't make him feel as if the world is doomed to be horrible forever? How come stories of incredible generosity do not give him faith in humans and hope for a better world? Why isn't everything either filled with beauty, music, and color, or darkness and despair? Why can't he stay up until 3am because some issue is so important that we have to talk about it right now? Why can't he feel another person's pain or fear? Where is all the passion, beauty, fear, and anxiety in life?

I feel like he is missing out on life at times, but I am pretty sure if both of us were this way we could never stay together. It frustrates me that sometimes I can not connect with him on the intense level I function at each day. I am a little sad that he will never see what I see. However, it is his stability and logical yet creative mind that keeps my overly creative mind from taking over our lives. His mind makes him great at what he does, and mine makes me great at what I do.
He always says he likes how I am more artistically creative and more empathetic than he is. He feels he has learned a lot about how to care about other people and connect socially from me. He has taught me how to take my instincts and process them so I know what logical next steps to take. Together we make a pretty good mix.

It is hard not to feel alone in your illness if people around you do not see life as you do. This is one of the things that can break up people who love each other. It seems like you can't connect sometimes, or your partner does not understand you. Just because others do not see what we see, that does not mean we are alone. It is up to us to realize  we still have connections with others and it is probably our differences that make us great partners or friends.


Rev. Katie


  1. The more of your entries I read, the more commonalities I see with my own experiences, particularly in this post, the first paragraph. It's been quite an eye opener! I had no idea these things might be connected to my depression - I thought I was just an emotional person (in my family, we call that 'being Greek', after that side of the family :P ).

  2. awesome post, you describe it so eloquently too! Its exactly how it feels with Bipolar and the intensity of emotions.

    I have parents who are very old fashioned stoic and stable, which I am very grateful for. But at times they just don't understand why I get so intensely upset over say an article in the newspaper about the state of the world, or a project I simply MUST tackle immediately even if its an inappropriate time.

    While its good to have that counter-balance in your life, its also great to just know someone else knows and feels exactly the same way, so thanks for your words and sharing today!

  3. Hi Camilla and Annmaree,
    When I read both of your comments, I felt a sense of relief that there are other people who understand!

    Camilla, I always said it was my emotional Italian side coming through :-)

    Thanks for your comments!

    Rev. Katie

  4. The other gift this realisation gives me is the knowledge that my family is not 'weird' for not experiencing things on the same emotional level as me. They are just who they are. It's hard to express how much of an aha moment *that* was!