|Reading the many possible side effects of my medication.|
However, according to my husband and son, I am 100% better than I was before.
Dang it!! This would be so much easier if the medication did not work. Then I could just stop the meds and have lost nothing. Instead I have side effects for which I need to have more tests run to see how the medication is affecting my body and now I fear needing to stop it due to finding out that it is hurting me too much to continue taking it.
I actually have never been this stable. Even when I was "stable" before, while I was able to get through my life and be productive I still had a baseline of feeling miserable, sad, and angry. Now mentally I feel fine most of the time, which is really weird for me (post about that coming soon).
I can't believe after a life of misery and after 13 years of medications, that we have found one which works, only to have the risk of losing my sanity again if the medication is too risky to take. Or I continue to take it but have side effects which seriously limit what I can do. Such as, is driving safe? Will I ever be able to exercise again or go on a bike ride with my son with this increased heart rate? Will I be fat forever?
What the heck is that all about?
These are the times when I question what kind of God, Universe, etc... messes with people in this way. What is the purpose in this?
All questions I will be exploring further, but for right now, I just need to wait. Wait to see how long this stability lasts, and wait until all the tests are done and we see what we are dealing with.