|Photo by Jeff Norris|
I admit that I hate my medicine because it has side effects I am scared of. However, I like it too because it has gotten rid of the heaviness, the weighed down spirit, the extreme anger, and it lets me deal with life better. It has taken away a lot from me and this type of drug increases in risk the longer you stay on it, but it does work. What scares me now is what if the risks get too high and I have to stop the medication at some point? I don't want to go back to having a heavy heart and all the symptoms of bipolar that are so much better now.
I also know that what works today may not work tomorrow, or a year from now. The only thing predictable about this illness is that it is not predictable. That is why you take the illness one day at a time and enjoy what you can, which is why I appreciate the weight being lifted. Before, I could not enjoy anything without having a heavy heart, last night I noticed I feel free, which is new for me.