Yet again, I have had trouble keeping up with my treatment plan. It all started with ice cream after dinner one day. It was a busy day and I said to myself that just one small bowl of ice cream is fine, I won't eat too much. Then I figured I could have a bit of dessert another day. Then Christmas came and I thought "It's Christmas, I will only have dessert today and that's it." It ended in many bowls of ice cream and dozens of cookies after a depression set it because I was eating poorly- and it was all down hill from there.
For a while I saw these times of struggling with my plan as failure. Failure to do what I need to be stable, weakness on my part for giving in to eating wrong, or spending too much money, or staying up all night. Now I know it is not failure, it is me fighting to have the life I deserve. No matter how hard it is and how many times I mess up, I will keep fighting to get better, it is the only option I have.
Now what I am coming to terms with is that I can not take a day or hour off of my treatment plan. I can't just eat a bowl of ice cream once, or stay out late because I am with friends, or skip a workout. It may seem strict to some people, but for people like me it is what we need to do to survive.
Due to my illness, I have many limitations on my life. The more I try to be "like everyone else" and have the same lifestyle other people can have, the sicker I get. Sometimes people around me see this as weak to need so many things to take care of myself and weak when I can't always follow the plan. Instead I see it as strong for continually fighting for my life.
I hope you all fight for your life as well, no matter how many setbacks you have.