|Photo by Jeff Norris|
One thing we are really coming to terms with is that for me, having a treatment plan that hinges on diet is probably not something I can handle. This is mainly because I have an eating disorder. I guess I have never talked about that on my blog, but I have a binge eating disorder and I just have not been able to stick to the correct diet on my own. So, my eating starts to get worse, which negatively affects my brain chemistry. Then I stop sleeping and exercising and everything goes down hill from there. I end up depressed, manic, suicidal, and back on medication.
I have to admit that I am pretty upset about being on medication again. I really wanted to be able to do this without them. I know it is possible to be well without medication were I able to make the right choices for long enough. The problem with managing mental illness by lifestyle changes is that those changes do not create wellness immediately. You really need a few months of perfect adherence to become fully functional and well enough to have the possibility (not guarantee) of continuing the program on your own. But, if your brain is impaired due to mental illness, many of us can not stick to those lifestyle changes for enough time to truly become well and have a chance of being off medication for long. Some of us can, but not all of us.
My new medication has a host of scary side effects (no surprise there), but one of the medications is supposed to help people with eating disorders so hopefully I can get back to healthy eating. I really do hope that with the medication I can keep the lifestyle changes long enough for them to be part of who I am and slowly decrease the medication so I need less or maybe none one day. That is the goal but in the mean time it is essential to know when you are doing so badly that you need more help.
Right now it is all up in the air. Who knows if I will even be able to tolerate these medications or what will happen over the next few months. I just know we are running around in the same circle and I hope one day we are not doing this over and over again.